This semester started out alright. Or at least, I came back refreshed and raring to go. Yet, things start to go crazy at the second week of school. All thanks to the FYP groupings.. I won't call it a mad rush but it has been crazy enough.

We should have been happily finishing our current semester but somehow, our lecturers just have to constantly remind us that FYP is just round the corner; that we need to form groups for FYP; that we need to decide on what we want to do etc. It drives me nuts you know. People just come up and ask you what you want to do for FYP, who is in your team etc..

I know it is my fault that I started looking for group members outside my circle of friends first. But a very good friend from poly taught me this: she told me not to mix friends with working partners. I have never thought about this until she mentioned that to me. All my life, I thought that you should be in a group with your friends coz that's when you know each other well enough to work well with one another. But no, the more you know each other, the harder it is to open your mouth when something happens, and the easier it becomes to have a friendship strained because of working differences. She told me that good friends are not necessarily good working partners. I didn't understood that until some time ago.

I like it, you know. To be able to sit at the same table and lunch together, to be able to share and talk without any barriers, to crap around at the MRT and suan each other relentlessly. I treasure all the little things we do together. And yes, I'm selfish. Your name didn't pop up when I was looking for group members not because I was looking out for your interest. I was looking out for my own interest. I didn't want to lose that comfort of being with you. I didn't want to lose a friend because of my over expectations in work, because of my heavy demands in myself and the people I work with. I may not know you that well, but I know myself very well. Conflicts will arise, fights will be witnessed, voices will be raised, especially in such a long project such as FYP. And I didn't want that to happen between us. I still wish that even though we'll be busy working on FYP next semester, we'll still be able to meet for lunch and to crap around and relieve stress for one another. When you see me burning up because of something, you'll come over and offer me either a listening ear or a chocolate. And I will happily shout your name out and embarrass you whenever I see you around in school. Ya, I wish for that but I think it seems impossible now.

I haven't lied to you or wore a mask to face you. I've been totally truthful with you. Instead of pacifying you for the moment, telling you to hold on while I go back and consult some people or what, I've told you everything truthfully. Maybe I should have pacified you and go back and think about it first. Would that have helped? If it can help, I rather turn back the hands of time. And now, I shall be truthful with you again. I wanted to talk to you on the phone but I guess right now, you must be fuming mad. I still want to talk to you but I guess that can wait for now. I read your blog before writing this. I would be lying if I said that whatever you put up there means nothing to me and that I'm writing this to spite you. No, I am very hurt. But most of all, I am very sorry that whatever I've done and said have hurt you so much and have made you so bitter. I don't seek to be in circle of trust but I do seek your forgiveness. You may not want to be my friend but I will always consider you as my very good friend whom I've acquainted in my poly life.

Remember what happened to our class in semester 1? I still remember every single detail and I still feel guilty over what had happened then. I really don't wish to see it happen between us again. Especially since this might be the last semester that we truly see each other in school.

I really am sorry. I really wish that we can remain as friends. Then again, you need 2 hands to clap. This is my hand, and I'm waiting for yours.

Oh yah, another point. I know you're angry with me but can you don't be angry with my group members?? It's not their fault at all. Just bank it all into my account ya? Tell me when you're ready to talk. Or if you need my photo to throw darts at or something else....