I never gave Him a reason to love me. I was filthy and ugly with my sins; I wasn't deserving of anything. But He loves me. Loves me enough to want to forsake His riches in Heaven to come as a man, loves me enough to give His life for mine, loves me enough to be with me all the time. I took His love but I took it for granted. He is there all the time but I looked for Him only when I needed Him. I didn't spare enough time for Him, never spent enough time reading His love letter or talking to Him. I put my work, fatigue and earthly life above Him. But He didn't stop loving me. All He does is to love and love and love. He gave and gave and gave. I never gave Him a reason to love me but Jesus loves me.

Jeremy never gave me a reason to love him. He has his bad points, his negative traits and his ever-insensitive attitude. But I love him. Love him enough to want to accept him for who he is; love him enough to take in whatever crap he is giving me; love him enough to want to spend time with him. Even if he puts his lighting console, his planes and his camera above me, I won't stop loving him. I feel taken for granted. I feel hurt. But in the midst of it, I get a twinge of what our Heavenly Father feels all the time.

We do, don't we? Put others, put your life, your work before God. We are always too busy, too tired to spend time with God. We do, don't we? Take the people who love us for granted. Find them only when we're free and available and forget about them in our busy schedules. We do, don't we? Take others for granted and in the process, get taken for granted.

I cried so much last night that my triple eye lids appeared this morning. I was so tired that I slept on my ride back from school. Thank God I did that or else I would have crashed the car I was driving in the afternoon. I didn't think a lot last night. I just prayed a lot last night. I know what I want to do and how to do it. I just lack the first step. I am not angry. In fact, I seldom stay angry for long. I just feel hurt. I want to put in effort for this relationship but it takes 2 hands to clap. What am I to do if he doesn't want to put in the effort?

I am so grateful for the people in my life. For Jerelyn, Michelle and Chrislyn. Jerelyn and Michelle, I appreciate your presence last night. He may not care if I cut myself, or if I cry or just silently suffer on my own, but I know you care and that is enough to stop me from hurting myself. Chrislyn dearest, I see myself in you. We face the same problems, we get the same situations. You confided in me and I tried to counsel you. In the end, I realized that I can't bring myself to do what I advised you to do. In the end, I realized that I'm in no position in advise you because I'm in the same dumps as you are in. But I'm thankful for that listening ear, for that ever supportive presence. I'm so glad God made you my room-mate for GYL this year. Anyway, ni shi xin fu de. Trust me on that.

I've come to realize this. I never gave Jesus a reason to love me but He does love me. Loves me enough. He never have me a reason to love him but I do love him. Love him enough. And I've come to realize that most of the time, enough is more than enough.