When I was still in primary school, if anyone dared to call me "stupid" or "dumb", I would have stood up to them, issued them a challenge and smashed the pie back into their faces. Right now, if anyone calls me "stupid" or "dumb", I will accept it and even say that of myself. Perhaps I do not show, but I have not fully recovered yet. Perhaps you do not know, but everytime you call me "stupid" or "dumb", you have shoved me back into my pits. And you told me not to deny it whenever you call me that. No, I have to deny it or one day, I might fully accept it. My enemy is not those who calls me names; my enemy is myself. I am my worst enemy.

If I have the self confidence, would I matter about what people say of me?

Stupid. Dumb. Naive. Gullible. Sometimes I just wish to stand up to them and scream at them; "Stop calling me that. I have my strengths and you have your weakness as well." But I realised that I didn't know how to refute their statements at all. I couldn't find my voice. I couldn't find the wrong words to say so I allowed them to continue. Stupid. Dumb. Naive. Gullible.

I know they didn't mean it. I know it was purely just fun. But what people count as "fun" hurts me. I was their object of fun. And I couldn't do anything about it.

People ostracize me. "Walk forward. Don't walk with us. We're talking about something." So I did. Walk forward. Don't look back. Got on the bus. And reminded myself: I need You (only) like water, like breath, like rain. Closed my eyes to stop the tears from flowing. And He is there for me.

It reminds me of my DVID assignment 2. Ziqing was trying to get into Jonathan's and Jian Da's circle but there was this invisible force that was preventing him. He tried and tried but failed. In end, he tried to remove this force that is preventing me but Jonathan and Jian Da tried to stop him from removing that force.

I see it everywhere I go. Its existence seems inevitable.

I am an extreme person. I take things extremely. It hurts most when it comes from the people you love and least expect it from. And the person who understands my extreme nature is not any of my closest friends but Sam.

I am my worst enemy. I need to conquer my enemy; I need to conquer myself.