I learn many things in this week. I learn what it feels like to regret for the very first decision I ever made in my life. I learn that there are people in this walk of life who don't agree with you. I learn to deal with hurt and insults with love and compassion. I learn to accept other's mean and hurtful remarks, keeping in mind that they will help me grow. I learn that it's best that I keep myself in my very own self-made box.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know how come I can actually step out so wrongly in this new environment. I don't know what went wrong. I have just been like this and I had no problems in the past. Or have I changed? Or do I need to change?

Guess I'm not strong enough to deal with condmenation yet.

I spoke to Sam. And my move is confirmed. I need to leave a part of me in Tampines and I'm going to start anew somewhere. I pray that I won't face so much politics in Woodlands nor will my eyes be opened to the condemnation and lines-drawing situation in Tampines. It's interesting that Sam actually mentioned "politics" and he said that it's normal to have that in church. I took that in... and made a mental note to myself that back-stabbing, hurtful words, discrimmination and condemnation are normal in church.... ... Like what Sam said, I'm a person who tend to take things to both extremes. *Shrug* Though he tried hard to dissuade me from leaving by even proposing that I join the adult service choir, in the end, he couldn't change my stubborn mind. I can't stay on and wither off like that. I don't trust the people there. I don't dare to communicate or fellowship with the people there. I can't work well with them there. And I find no space in that place where I know fresh beginnings await me. I know I'm running away to Woodlands, to somewhere where it's less painful but isn't running to comfort human nature? I don't want to stay there and get myself more negative. Clara saved herself by leaving choir. I'm saving myself by leaving Tampines. Maybe this isn't the best way but I've prayed over it and I've given this issue much thought. It is not a rash decision but one that has been pondered over many times. I will miss Tampines, definitely. But I need to move on.

I'm returning back to DHS tomorrow. I miss ZiRui. Her laughter, joy and perspective in life have encouraged me greatly in my 4 years there. It seems so grey to not have her in class. I miss Michelle. It's funny that I don't enter into class hearing her innocent laughter and to engage in carefree conversations with her. I miss many things. Yet I know that I cannot live holding on to the past. 4H is a thing of the past. My SHPS and DHS days are over. Ahead of me are my endearvours in SP and this society. I've been giving university education much thought these days. My dad just told me that financial-wise, I'm able to study anywhere, even the US. It's comforting to know that God has taken care of my education. *Smiles* And I thank God for every breath I have. It's fresh.