I spent last night talking on the phone.

I certainly do not understand many things. And I do not want to understand nor know anything anymore. The more I know, the worse I feel. I long for my ignorance and my innocence. So we're going to have a so-called forum/discussion/clarification on Sunday. What good does it make? I feel the way I'm feeling not because of what he said but more of how they have reacted when things are not to their favour. C said something that this issue can only be settled by one party taking a step back and that will definitely be us. That's nonsense. Coz what have we done? Or said? We did nothing! Our consciences are clear. Even with our grey thoughts, we still continue giving our best to God, keeping in mind that whatever we do, it's for Him and not for men. That is why I'm preserving in this race. What does taking a step back mean? For them, it might be seeing things through our perspectives and for us?? Accepting such politics for what they are and ignoring every sign of injustice? Can anyone do that?

And I have no idea why they are quick to conclude and condemn. Do they have to ask everyone who knows him? And that CK... my goodness, he's becoming just like them! I'm so afraid for him. He made it sound like a war. "So I guess you have taken sides..." His words chipped parts of my heart.

I'm still keeping my heart and mind open. I still want to believe and trust them. I shall be more of a listener on Sunday. I have lost my strength to fight. But I will preserve on. For God and for the people I love. I long for things to be the way I once knew them to be. If only I can ignore such politics once more. But as you grow older, your eyes grow wider.

What happened to the place I love and hold dear to my heart?

In Death I See Life
In Life I See Death
The Sweet Relief That I Long
The Hush Of Whispering wings
Have come to Take Me
Away, away