I felt quite awful during cg outing just now. No, Vinnie, it's not the people. It's just that some people had to trigger my hurt and pain by mentioning camp and focusing on the game "Tastes of life". Then they started discussing the cleaning up as well. And the seas found their way to my eyes.

I am trying to forget. Really. I'm learning to forget. And it hasn't been easy. But with everyone harping on how wonderful camp was, how fun the game was... I simply am unable to let go of this bad memory. Yes, the game was fun, the camp was wonderful but there will always be two sides to everything. I will appreciate it if everyone give me a chance to push this bad memory to one unknown corner in my mind.

Discussed so much with Vinnie today. Thanks sister! Yah, she taught me to give everyone a chance. Which I have to learn slowly. I really do not want to stay so negative coz in the end, it's still church. They are still God's people doing God's works. But someone please teach me how to trust them once more? How am I able to entrust my personal problems to them in the future? How am I to approach them for counseling? How am I supposed to trust that they will understand my ideals that are countary to theirs?

I am not one who follows blindly. I have a mind of my own. So I filter whatever that is said and I ponder over what is done. I will have disagreements, that's for sure. And if they can't take such disagreements, I'm so sorry. You can't control my mind. If all-following members are all you require, I'm sorry to tell you I'm not one of them. So if I ever do feel uncomfortable now, it's not due to what he has said, but how you have reacted.

Why preach about love when you do not show love? Why point justice to us when justice is so far away from you? Why preach when everything's just words and words alone?

I've seen too much and I've known too much. And I thank God for that. I pray that he will not become to be one of them. I'm afraid for him coz he mixes too much with them. You are who your company is.